Nothing Gold Can Stay
by striped-dianthus
Summary: UP TO SHOW PROGRESS. The color of Potters' eyes was an unnatural green. The color of the killing curse. Fitting that it would be how I died. Nature's first green is gold/ Her hardest hue to hold/ Her early leaf's a flower/ But only so an hour/ Then leaf subsides to leaf/ So Eden sank to grief/ So dawn goes down to day/ Nothing gold can stay.


**Looked back at it, cringed in disgust, and therefore underwent the task of drastic revisions. Still needs editing, but I was too lazy. ^_^**

**Summary: ****The color of Potters' eyes was an unnatural green. The color of the killing curse. Fitting that it would be how I died. Nature's first green is gold/ Her hardest hue to hold/ Her early leaf's a flower/ But only so an hour/ Then leaf subsides to leaf/ So Eden sank to grief/ So dawn goes down to day/ Nothing gold can stay.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters, as well as the poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay".**

**WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH! Rated T just in case. Inspired by Robert Frost's poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay".**

* * *

><p>Nothing Gold Can Stay<p>

_Nature's first green is gold,_

_Her hardest hue to hold._

_Her early leaf's a flower;_

_But only so an hour._

_Then leaf subsides to leaf._

_So Eden sank to grief,_

_So dawn goes down to day._

_Nothing gold can stay._

_~Robert Frost_

* * *

><p>I stepped onto the balcony propping my elbows up onto the iron bars. A cool night breeze ruffled my hair. The sky was streaked with fiery hues of crimson and gold. I remember a time when I would scoff and call them Gryffindor colors, but sometimes still wake up early enough to watch the sunrise in the Astronomy Tower. Unbidden, a repressed memory wormed itself from where I kept it buried, deep inside my mind.<p>

_Flashback:_

_After my father had been sent to Azkaban, the entire Wizarding World had been crying for justice to be delivered, and that all Death Eaters and their families would be given the Kiss. That had been until precious saint Potter had pulled a Dumbledore, and spoke against the idea. And of course t hat was the end of that. Not that people didn't whisper behind their hands and glare venomously at me when I passed by like I was going to suddenly start throwing curses in the middle of Diagon Alley for the heck of it._

_Back then I'd been in a slump, drinking Firewhiskey like it was going out of fashion, slinking about in the Malfoy Manor, unable to go to sleep without remembering red eyes, and sibilant hissing, and people screaming as they died, and the glee I'd seen in the eyes of some Death Eaters as they tortured and raped and pillaged and done Merlin knows what else. And I remembered the screams of his classmates as their minds broke from the Cruciatus, as they became dead, dead, dead._

_Then one day, when I'd half drunk himself into a stupor, I remember how the glass of Firewhiskey had been stolen from my hands right before he was about to drink it. My head lifted from where it had previously been on the rough wooden bar table, before I turned to give the thief a piece of my mind. Angry curses died on my lips the moment I had seen who it was, staring at me with those unnaturally green eyes._

_"Wha are ya doingsh here, Potter," I said, the alcohol slurring my speech._

_"Never thought you would become an alcoholic when you grew up, Malfoy," he said, arching an eyebrow and avoiding the question._

_I snorted at that before hiccupping and trying to grab the bottle of Firewiskey in vain._

_Potter frowned, muttering about something that sounded like alcohol poisoning under his breath, before motioning for the bill. _

_I grew indignant, voicing complaints and curses that grew in volume, reaching a climax when Potter, who knew he was so strong, hefted me over his shoulder and began walking out the door. At some point in time, I stopped struggling, realizing it to be a fruitless endeavor. Suddenly, Potter began speaking, attempting to break the empty silence. He chattered on about his life, glossing over most of his early childhood until he had gotten his Hogwarts letter. I stayed quiet during most of it, wondering why he was telling me this, no matter whether or not I would forget it the next morning. _

_"And then, when I was battling Voldemort for the last time, when I saw the killing curse coming towards me, I was terrified that I would die and that I wouldn't see Hogwarts again, or my friends, or even small things like seeing the sunrise again. Even though I had said to myself before that as long as Voldemort died along with me, I would be fine; peaceful even, if everyone else was saved. But when I didn't die after the final battle, I remember how relieved I felt; so, so happy that I was still alive and Voldemort was finally gone. And I remember how I felt when I saw the sunrise the next day through the infirmary window, and how I felt that I could _finally live_ for once in my life, without worrying about horcruxes or Voldemort coming back or people dying in raids." _

_As I listened to Potter talk, I felt myself becoming sleepy for the first time since the war ended, thinking that maybe, maybe I would have something to live for again._

_Flashback end_

I grimaced at the memory. Eventually, I had, god forbid, fallen in love with him, despite fighting against it the entire time. Even though it was irrational, I hated Potter for what he unknowingly did to me, because I knew that in the end, whatever we had would never have worked out anyways.

No matter how much I tried to forget, Potter was still the Golden Boy, the one who had fought Voldemort when he was still in school and won. He was destined to become an auror, and settle down with someone who was a staunch supporter of the light.

I had seen it coming of course, but it still didn't prepare me for the morning that I had seen news and celebration over Potter's wedding with the red haired weaselette slathered all over the Daily Prophet. I had expected to feel anger, jealousy, hatred, _something _at this, but instead I felt numb, and removed from reality.

And of course, no matter how much I avoided him, Potter would find me eventually and demand to know what was wrong with me. And that was when I finally broke, and screamed and raged and threw whatever I could lay my hands on. And when I had finally paused, my voice hoarse and my chest heaving from exertion, I had seen the only thing I couldn't handle on Potter's face. _Concern. _

And then I'd blurted out something that I'd been keeping hidden for years.

_I love you. _

Potter's face would have been hilarious at any other time than this, but this time, the sight of his stuttering and stumbling backwards made me run, ignoring his shouts and apologies, anywhere that was away from _him_, because I knew that I had messed everything up.

Staring at the fiery, golden sky that reminded me of everything that I had lost, I lifted my wand to my head without hesitation, and whispered the two words that shot out an unearthly green light that was so similar to the color of the eyes that I had loved and hated.

Right before the curse struck me, the sun rose above the horizon, shining blinding rays of golden light before darkness overtook me.

_Nothing gold can stay._

* * *

><p><strong>MAJOR update: 1014/12**

**Review and tell me what you think!**


End file.
